21 Challenge - A Tidy House Continues
Well, the house is still clean. (In my opinion.) I was able to invite my mother over for Gary's birthday. I baked a cake the night before and left no dirty dishes in the sink. I came home from work and iced the cake. That didn't go so well, but that was just a problem overly soft cake (tasty) and overly soft icing (yummy) pushing the cake all over the place.
By the time my mom got to the house, I was feeling okay. But when we sat down, I could feel her prying eyes, noticing the finger marks on and around the light switches and the piece of wrapper my son had left on the floor. She even went on about a story of friend who had bought her son and daughter-in-law a VERY nice dining table only to have the inconsiderate DIL use it for a craft table and destroy it. She went on about how bad their carpet looked and so on. Now, I do not have the benefit having two "perfect" children as mother supposedly did. (Actually, we were just scared to do anything wrong, according to my brother.) Instead, I have a daughter who was ill as a child and threw up neon yellow medicine on my light beige carpet and a boy who loves to jump on the furniture like he is an action hero. I told her she was talking about me. She tried to make excuses that she wasn't talking about me, but knew exactly what she was trying to say.
Why do I feel I need her approval for something like this?? Is her never ending disapproval what causes me to just throw my hands up in the air and give up. As if to say, "I can never be what you want me to be, so why should I try anymore."
Today, I will say. I am good enough. I am happy with my house. I know there are things I would like to do differently. But for today??
By the time my mom got to the house, I was feeling okay. But when we sat down, I could feel her prying eyes, noticing the finger marks on and around the light switches and the piece of wrapper my son had left on the floor. She even went on about a story of friend who had bought her son and daughter-in-law a VERY nice dining table only to have the inconsiderate DIL use it for a craft table and destroy it. She went on about how bad their carpet looked and so on. Now, I do not have the benefit having two "perfect" children as mother supposedly did. (Actually, we were just scared to do anything wrong, according to my brother.) Instead, I have a daughter who was ill as a child and threw up neon yellow medicine on my light beige carpet and a boy who loves to jump on the furniture like he is an action hero. I told her she was talking about me. She tried to make excuses that she wasn't talking about me, but knew exactly what she was trying to say.
Why do I feel I need her approval for something like this?? Is her never ending disapproval what causes me to just throw my hands up in the air and give up. As if to say, "I can never be what you want me to be, so why should I try anymore."
Today, I will say. I am good enough. I am happy with my house. I know there are things I would like to do differently. But for today??
TODAY, I AM JUST FINE!
Comments
I did take great delight when she came into our newly purchased (vintage) house & commented about how I would have to wash the hardwood weekly. I looked at her in the eye (with a 6 month old in my arms no doubt) and questioned how frequently she had her wall-to-wall carpets washed. She never uttered another word about washing hardwood floors.
She has periodically commented about how she wishes she had spent more time with us when we were children instead of spending time cleaning. You are welcome to adopt these periodic comments as coming from your mother too.
I always love a clean house, but there are other far more important things then just a tidy house ;)
I am sorry your mother doesn't show you the love she has for you. :-(
None of us are perfect, who would want to be perfect. Who would want a perfect home, how boring would that be.
You made me feel so welcome when I stayed with you for 6 weeks, I will never forget what a kind and generous person you are.
One day you will be so happy in your own skin you won't need your mothers approval for anything.
Big hugs and tons of love and light coming your way.
Peggy xxxxxx
24The Lord bless you and watch, guard, and keep you;
25The Lord make His face to shine upon and enlighten you and be gracious (kind, merciful, and giving favor) to you;
26The Lord lift up His [approving] countenance upon you and give you peace (tranquility of heart and life continually).
i did an art journal page (mandala, very therapeutic) yesterday and used this scripture. i was really needing to know that i am loved and accepted. and you are too, my beautiful friend. i think you're great the way you are. clean houses are nice, but there is a balance to it all. kids are kids and need to be allowed to be kids.
you're a terrific mother and friend.
love you.
:)
I just think it's funny how transparent her comments and thoughts were.... I bet you have a darn good time crafting on your table. Isn't that what tables are for anyway?
Hugs to you, friend. You're fine just as you are.
Roban