I heard that laughter....I really do have a routine that I go through every morning. You, too, can follow these not-so-simple steps of the Mother of a Toddler Fitness Program.
Step One: Pectoral Butterfly: When the alarm goes off in the morning, lay on your back and reach out to the side with the arm closest to the nightstand and hit the snooze button. Squeeze chest muscle as you return your arm to the bed. Repeat every nine minutes as the alarm returns until you can't stand to hear the buzzing.
Step Two: Sit ups - Reps (1)
Step Three: Hurdles - Jump over laundry baskets of clean clothes on the way to the bathroom.
Step Four: Overhead Tricep Extensions: Blowdry back of hair from the top to tip.
Step Five: (Warning this is for only the strongest of people) Dress the Fighting Toddler Bent Over Row-Repeatedly reach for the arms and legs of your toddler while trying to dress them for daycare when they don't want to go. It usually will require several repetitions of putting his/her arm in the sleeve only to have him/her pull it out. Reach for the arm again that is securely under a 45 pound body. Repeat for the child's other arm and have fun as you complete this exercise with the child's legs for pants, socks and shoes. This is the portion of the workout will take a minimum of 10 minutes.
Step Six - Do not attempt in your three inch heels. Proper footwear will be required. Squat down, place said toddler on your shoulder like a sack-o-potatoes, stand slowly, don't forget to place your 10 pound purse on the other shoulder along with your computer bag and child's backpack. Walk slowly, carefully maneuvering the obstacle course called the front sidewalk. Place child down in front of his/her door to put other objects in the car. Turn around and begin your wind sprints down the sidewalk to catch the toddler before he/she runs in front of the bus driver speeding through the neighborhood while looking in the rear view mirror at the high school students torturing each other in the back of the bus. Tackle toddler and resume sack-o-potato method of carrying him/her to the car and buckle the seatbelt securely across the booster seat.
By this point you will need to check your heart rate You may need to walk a couple of laps around the car before getting in the car and sitting down.
Start the car and drive your toddler to daycare...Note to self: Consider canceling gym membership.