So I Was Just Thinking

Today I went to my friend's house for her son's fourth birthday party. It was an experience. My son had a great time, and I had to bite my tongue about dirt and boyish rough behavior. This is not an easy thing for me to do. I usually am the one ensuring my children stay clean and safe, while my husband lets them run and get dirty. I usually have to leave the area. I didn't have that luxury today as I was the only one home to take my son to the birthday party. James had a great time climbing the backyard fort with a slide that runs right into the path of a tire swing. Twice he slid down only to be knocked in the head by swinging party goers. Unfazed by the possible concussion he may have just received, James proceeded to climb a tree that later he couldn't get out of. By the time the hot dogs were ready for the kids to eat (and superb steaks for us grown folk,) you couldn't tell where James began and the dirt ended. Nonetheless, he reached for a hot dog and devoured ...

Should have gone off without a hitch, but did it? Well, I was not personally there to witness, but this is what I learned when I got home from work. The day before, I made sure that Caitlin was all packed and ready to go to her first day of Junior High including laying all of her clothes out. I put her bus ticket and locker combination in a snack sized zippy bag with $5 hiding in between the two pieces of paper. Mind you this would be the first time she had to go to a school that I hadn't taught at. (It is really hard to be late to school when your mom is the teacher.) The next morning, Caitlin got up to her alarm clock without being prompted, got dressed, and prepared herself some breakfast. My main worry was that I had to leave by 6:45 to get to work no later than 7:00, and her bus wasn't to arrive until 7:39. I was going to have to rely on her father to get her on the bus. Feeling a little wary, I left for school, dreading the worst...her missing the bus. It wasn't until...

Thanks little brother. Without you this would never have been. codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" WIDTH="384" HEIGHT="304">

I wanted to thank everyone who has helped make this time easier for mother, brother and me. There is no way I could list everyone, but in general the following things truly were helpful. Food - We had so much food brought to Mom's house over the past week, that I think she will still be eating it long after the guests are gone. Something about good eats helps take away a little bit of the pain of losing someone. I am not sure why, maybe because we think of being social when we eat and let our guards down, and we forget that we are supposed to be sad. Hugs - So many people came to visit us that I couldn't believe it. The line went out the door on Monday and the church was packed on Tuesday. Mom said she had so many hugs that she had to go the optician to get her glasses adjusted from all the squeezing. My brother - He is so wonderful and so helpful. He figured a way to get photos off my dad's "deflicted" computer so that we could give them to the funeral home for t...

You know, after feeling so bad for so long you finally have a break where everything is just funny. Yesterday was that day. I was coming out of the grocery story feeling sad about everything that has been going on these past few days when I heard the phone ringing in my car. It was my mother who had taken my brother to buy some clothes for my father's funeral this coming week. She wanted to know what color pants my husband had and if I thought he would like a new shirt to wear. I didn't know, so I thought I would try something I had never tried before which was three-way calling. I told her to hold on and not hang up and hit the send button. Next, I called my husband, but the phone rang and rang. I was ready to hang up on him so I hit the send button again when I heard him say, "Hello," and I heard my mom say, "Hi." My husband had no idea I was on the other line. My experiment worked. Finally, I had to say that I was on the other line too. When I got home, h...

and I can't truly grasp it. I still think that I can push #4 on my cell phone and he will answer. That when I get a flat on the side of the road or can't start my car, he will come to the rescue. Unfortunately, this will no longer be the case. When I got to the hospital with my mother this morning, the doctors told her that dad's breathing was indicative of someone who had only hours to live. This turned out to be the case. We all sat around talking and telling stories on each other and him laughing and crying all the way. We were fortunate to have our pastor there when he passed. I saw it happen first and said something and my mom's best friend said, "He's gone." It was the strangest thing. You would think that it would be more...I don't know...more something. (Gee, has anyone who knows me ever seen me at a loss for words?) But then it was just over. The pastor began to read some scripture when we realized that one of the aunts was out of the room wit...

So yesterday I went up to the hospital to see Dad and I was told it could be a couple of hours or a couple of days. Well, that's not what a person wants to hear, but I don't think that was what was so upsetting. I look back at pictures of my father who was such an encourager, who would be the first to volunteer to get something done. He was the one who a person could call on day or night and know he would get results. When I see him now, unable to talk, take care of himself, or truly respond to what he may be hearing around him, I get upset. No one should have to be that way. Would it be better if he had just suddenly been gone by some accident? No, I don't think so. But the selfish me can't stand to watch him suffer. I don't think he is pain...he has been given enough morphine and tylenol. It is the psychological part of it all. Is he hanging on for some reason? Is he saying, "Hey, I'm in here." Or is he trying to tell us anything at all? Before you r...

My parents have been married for 41 years and have always been the role models for many young couples in our church. With my father currently being under hospice care, it makes a person reflect on his life and what makes him such a well-loved person. Thanks to all of my friends and family who have been calling and writing. It is certainly appreciated.

So those of you who know us know that my dad has been severely ill due to complications related to his leukemia treatment. Because of this, he has been in the hospital for almost a month. The strange thing about the whole ordeal has been that some days he is awake and able to talk to use and other times his eyes are open but he can't tell us anything. Right now, he is unable to talk. The problem is the doctors don't know ANYTHING. It is highly frustrating. Since my dad has been doing so poorly, his brothers and sisters are making their way here to spend time with him and at it is overwhelming. My dad has 11 brothers and sisters and the first one to come was my Aunt Ali, but she had to leave due to other commitments. Next came my Aunt Anna who lives in Connecticut. She and her husband got here yesterday morning. Later that afternoon, my dad's sisters Carmen and Lolin and his brother Tony came in from Puerto Rico. During this time all the people who know and love my dad start...