Be Happy Anyway

Be Happy Anyway
From Brave Girls Club

Sunday, June 14, 2015

A Year Later

I would like to thank everyone who helped me through this past year. A year ago today I lost my other half. It was one of the most heart crushing losses I have ever experienced. Bobby brought me so much joy, happiness and support during our time together. He was loving, patient and kind even when I was difficult. I am thankful for the time we had together. It taught me that there are people out there like my dad who are willing to do anything for you without asking anything in return.
 Christmas 2012

 Alpine, TX 2013

White Sands Missile Range 2014

So today I thank some of those people. Renee thank you for dropping everything and picking me up off the floor that first day - oh, and for folding laundry with me. Erica and Junior thank you for letting this blubbering mess stay with you, teaching me how to shoot at things and going with me to the cemetery. Janet and Brian thank you for opening your home to me when the stress got too much. It was just what I needed. Thomas you were a rock to your sister, mother and me, and I hope you have remembered that you need taking care of as well. I have enjoyed sharing Audiobooks with you. Judy thank you for accepting me as your daughter and sharing all of your family photos. Lauren, I consider you like another daughter. You are smart, talented and funny and strong. You can do anything you set your mind to do. Don't forget that. Mom, there are no words to describe all you have done. Just know I don't take it for granted. My children Caitlin and James, I love you. Bobby loved spending time with you. You give me the strength to get up everyday. Additionally, I would like to acknowledge Pamela K. You provided me with the resources I needed to manage my grief. I found a new friend in you.

Others who let me open up include Michelle, who showed me the value of aromatherapy; Jamie and Rebecca, although sometimes the loss you experienced somehow seems far more significant than mine at times, you opened your hearts to me. My running crew who pushed me and gave another reason to get out of bed every Saturday morning. The stamina you helped me build provided me with the physical strength I needed to pull myself through this year. Finally, my coworkers who had no clue what they were signing up for when I joined their team. Thank you for a successful year.

When I talk to my friend Miruspeg, the conversation often turns to a book by Ruby Payne called the Framework for Understanding Poverty. According to this book, there are several resources for success beyond financial security. They include:

  •  Emotional­ - the person can choose and control emotional responses, especially to negative situations, without engaging in self destructive behavior
  •  Mental­ - having the mental ability and acquired skills (reading, writing, and computing) to deal with daily life. 
  •  Spiritual­ - believing in divine purpose and guidance. 
  •  Physical­ - having physical health and mobility
  •  Support Systems­ - Having friends, family, and backup resources available to access in times of need 
  •  Relationships/ Role Models­ Having frequent access to adults who are appropriate, nurturing, and who do not engage in self destructive behavior. 
  •  Knowledge of Hidden Rules­ knowing unspoken cues and habits of a group

When I evaluate my life according to these standards, I find I am truly rich. Thanks again to everyone who has acted as my support system this past year. You truly made a difference.


Renee Arnett said...

I have struggled for weeks thinking about what to say. Nothing is harder than watching someone you love in pain and knowing there is nothing you can do to make it better. Pushing your own grief aside because it is more important to be strong than to be a puddle of emotions. Death is mean and cruel at times like this. We still don't have the answers but a year later we have some peace. And I am so very proud of how you have made your way through. I know it wasn't easy but you never quit. Bobby is proud of you! I'm glad to see the many relationships that you have developed. Know that there is nothing in this world that would keep me from you because you are in my heart. You are my Sister, my therapist, and my partner in crime. I love you!

Marit said...


Pamela King said...

Two things you should always remember: 1) People give to you in abundance because you have earned it. Sometimes you won't even know the individual (like me), it will still be earning in the cosmic sense; sometimes it's a close friend to whom you have contributed and s/he can only hope to return a fraction. But always, it's deserved because it's earned. 2) Your pain is a gift to others. It sounds weird but it is. It teaches that one can get through the worst pain and loss. That one can tell the truth about bone weary misery and the healing power of grief spoken aloud. It teaches that we are one. We are connected in our humanity and to the extent that we make ourselves vulnerable, even when we are already our most splayed, vulnerability becomes strength. That we all learned from you in return for the privilege of being part of your support web.

This was a lovely post. You done good. And thanks for the acknowledgement. Unnecessary and appreciated.

miruspeg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
miruspeg said...

A beautiful tribute to your friends Annemarie. I wish I had met Bobby, he sounded like a one in a million guy.
Take care my dear friend and keep shining.
Big heart hugs
Peggy xxxxxx (miruspeg)

Blog Widget by LinkWithin